It’s strange how chaotic and lonely parenting can be at the same time. | The Times Of Update

Chaotic. LOUD. Alone?

These three words should not go together. If something or a place is chaotic and noisy, it should be filled with life, movement, energy.

And solitude is supposed to be the absence of all that. It’s quiet rooms with the blinds drawn, dinner for one, talking to yourself just to hear the sound of a voice.

But the parenting stage I’m in now – my three children are in elementary and middle school – is all of these things at once.

Chaotic. LOUD. Lonely.

Of course, everyone’s experience is different, and my particular mix of seemingly incongruous characteristics may be largely attributable to my personality, location, and parenting style.

First, I’m socially anxious and introverted, so I never seek out friends. For example, my kids have been playing with the same group of neighborhood kids for at least three years now, and I just exchanged phone numbers with one of my friend’s parents a few months ago. I know all the kids in the neighborhood really well, but I know almost nothing about their parents.

Which brings me to location.

My neighborhood seems to be populated by parents who follow a late 20th century parenting philosophy. I don’t know if it’s exactly “free range,” but it’s at least adjacent to freedom. As far as I can tell, the kids in the neighborhood play together and the parents don’t interact. The kids are friends and the parents aren’t.

This is really ideal for me, as I am much more comfortable with children than adults, but it takes some getting used to. I have studied this dynamic closely for years, always on the lookout for personal slights directed at me, but I have ultimately come to the conclusion that all parents have their own things going on and interacting with the people in the neighborhood is simply not on their agenda.

And finally, there is the question of how I handle my role as a parent.

I’ve mellowed over the years, slowly letting go of the reins, but I remain more vigilant than other parents in my immediate circle. It would be hard for anyone to argue with that. I mean, the 7-year-old boy down the street was playing at our house one day, left to go home, and his mother texted me about an hour later asking me to send him home. I thought, uh, he left a while ago—wording that carefully because I always think I’m going to get in trouble one way or another (remember, I hardly know these people at all, other than the gossip their kids share with me about them… like, if you need to know which parents in the neighborhood are the flattiest, I’ve got you covered). The mother responded quickly with an “okay.” About fifteen minutes later, she sent another text: “Found him asleep in his bed” with an emoji of him slapping his hand on his face.

We are all different parents.

For me, being a parent is a pretty demanding job. It seems a little weird to say that because I’m not a great PTA parent, I don’t do a lot of volunteer work in schools (try…